This past week I reconnected with an old dear friend who was interested in life coaching.
It turns out Alison and I had been through similar painful situations in our 20’s and early 30’s, resulting in NES.
Not Enough Syndrome.
(Full disclosure I made this up and have zero scientific research under my belt to support it, but I’m still going to theorize that YOU’VE ALL SUFFERED FROM NES!)
I don’t know how many “Girrrrrl I’ve been there!”s I told Alison until she finally asked, “How did you get over it?!”
It was a very valid question that still caught me off guard for two reasons:
Alison’s assumption I was actually over my past painful stories (I know–Duh, she assumed) and…
My desire to want to give her a concrete “how-to” answer.
But alI I could offer was the truth:
Shite from my past still comes back to haunt me in sneaky subtle ways just when I think old painful stories are a figment of my imagination, but you have a choice:
Either stay in your miserable victim story crying, “why me?!” and watch your world continue to catastrophize as you indulge the pain and angst
Follow these five steps to get out of your way, own your shite, and authentically surrender to the outcome knowing you’ve done the best you can:
1) Get clear on your values.
What do you stand for? What are your boundaries? Has someone compromised them? How do you wish to proceed while finding peace knowing that you make conscious choices on how you move through the world based on a values system you’re proud of and fully own.
2) Admit Where You’re At
One thing I pride myself on as a life coach is my impeccable BS meter. I can tell when a client or friend says “I’m REALLY GOOD!” and it’s so clear they’re really not. The more you suppress your shite, the longer it lingers. This doesn’t mean airing your dirty laundry to everyone you meet—but pick a few trusted loved ones you can be the real you with.
Yes it’s way easier to accept getting a parking ticket but can you accept the painful relationship or circumstance once you know you’ve tried your best and done all you can without compromising your values? As tempting as it can be, notice if you’re fighting an uphill battle that’s yielding more negativity than positivity.
4) Don’t Put a Timeline On Your Healing!
There’s enough pain to sort through so shaming yourself about where you’re at in your recovery is the worst thing you can do. Be kind and patient with yourself if it’s taking longer than you’d like to get over something. The more you honor where you’re at, the quicker it will pass.
5) Give it to God, the Universe, Whatever You Wanna Call It.
I will lovingly agree to disagree with the disbelievers out there but to each her own! My belief in God—praying to Him, asking Him, thanking Him, and trusting Him especially at the shittiest times has gotten me to a place I’m pretty damn pleased with. Meditate. Journal. Do Yoga. Sing. Dance. Choose your outlet and commit to it. Then watch the magic unfold.
I wish I could say if you follow the above steps your pain will disappear and never resurface again but that would mean I’m totally disconnected from reality.
What I can say is if you follow the above steps your resilience to the pain will rise, your love for yourself will grow, and perhaps…
juuust perhaps your grandchildren will learn of a mind-made epidemic called NES that was around for thousands of years and they’ll barely be able to wrap their lil enough-filled heads around such a bizarre concept.
Let’s Dream Big, People.
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday:)
Is there something you’re struggling to get over? What healing tools or modalities do you use if any at all? Please share below and pass this along to anyone who might find this post helpful.
Written By: Claire Byrne
Claire Byrne is a Los Angeles based actress, yoga teacher, and life coach at Claire Your Mind. www.claireyourmind.com