It’s almost second nature for many of us to declare some thoughts and feelings as ‘bad’ and others as ‘good.’ It helps our Ego to identify, make meaning out of our feelings and create physical attachments.
However, it doesn’t serve our higher selves to categorize things this way- it only creates limitation and suffering. It keeps us stuck at a lower level of thinking.
Raise your cyber hands up if you’ve ever had one of those “wickedly awful days” I’m pretty sure that includes every single one of us, at some point or another. Also, have you ever completely lost your $#!* at someone, something, or somewhere?
Right, all of us.
If you’re like me, you’ve also felt a deep sense of shame and regret about your behavior…..post-tantrum. But let’s move away from judgment and shift our perspective for a minute.
When we’re pulling our hair out, screaming like a banshee at the top of your lungs, or swearing like a sailor kicking the tires—it’s not "bad." We’re not "bad boys" or "bad girls" for temporarily losing control. That’s just what it is - control. Neat. Tidy. Limited. Quite often this shame around anger and lashing out is tied to the belief that we must be pretty, perfect and composed at all times—and it’s full of garbage.
It keeps us in suffering, yet again.
Ofcourse I don’t believe it’s okay to metaphorically poop on other people when we’re going through the rough stuff. There’s true power in being accountable for our actions, apologizing, and changing our reactions.
But once we’ve owned up to it, let it go. Instead of beating ourselves about not keeping it together for a minute, let’s look at the event from an outsider’s perspective.
If we take a step back and observe ourselves as an outsider, what would we say to ourselves and what are we truly hurting about? What is it that we truly need?
Our Egos like to keep us at a superficial level of processing, and so, they’ll tell us that we are most certainly upset about X when it’s really about Y. Maybe we think we’re angry about getting cut off by the driver in front of us, but are we really being triggered by a deeper sense of not being heard, seen and respected?
If we don’t know what’s at the bottom of it all, that’s perfectly okay. We’re opening up a whole new way of understanding ourselves. We are beginning the awakening process and very likely, a powerful path to healing.We have to start somewhere. Let’s ask the questions and sit in unanswered space.
We’ll find the truth sooner or later.
But if we are having blow-ups on a regular basis and feeling disconnected from our ability to respond rather than react, remember the infinite power of the breath. It gives us space to think about how we want to proceed and helps to avoid having to clean up the mess.
Let’s take some deep breaths, gaze at our feet and remember we are grounded here in the moment…
We have a choice.
We have time.
We have our backs.
Let’s just take it from there.